Like is a bit tough at the moment, and my shoulders feel very heavy.
I am wondering about a lot of things, including faith, friendship and fish finger (well not the last one, just got carried away with the alliteration)
I won't go into details as I don't want to moan.
The one thing I do know is that I am blessed to have Sarah by my side to fight through it all.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Monday, 26 April 2010
Bloggety blog blog
So I was sitting on the sofa with a beer in hand and wondered about my blog. With phone in hand I set about to find an app.
So I found my blog and it was facinating Reading, it's been a while since I blogged and loads has happened, much of it good, but not all of it.
I found it interesting to consider exactly how much I have been through on the last few years, and scares me that we are approaching 3 years since my mum died.
So I though I might blog a bit, especially since I am typing this on my iPhone, blog on the go (or when I can't be bottered to turn on a pc).
So I found my blog and it was facinating Reading, it's been a while since I blogged and loads has happened, much of it good, but not all of it.
I found it interesting to consider exactly how much I have been through on the last few years, and scares me that we are approaching 3 years since my mum died.
So I though I might blog a bit, especially since I am typing this on my iPhone, blog on the go (or when I can't be bottered to turn on a pc).
Monday, 7 April 2008
On being where i am at
I am not sure what to put in this blog, i just felt i wanted to update this, haven't done it in a while.
I'm on a bit of a roller coaster at the moment, i am happy and driven in moments, and sad and frustrated at others. I find that i am tried often and have mid day doze most days. mainly trough lack of motivation.
I am waiting, waiting for the good news, i have had so much bad news and hard times over the last few years, and i would love some good news. My faith keeps me going and i know the amazing love God has for, in fact typing that line puts a smile on my face.
I think i need to know which way to go, i know where i hope to be, and feel convicted where i'm going, i guess i want to be there.
I have a hard few months ahead, with academic focus needed (stuff i find difficult) but i trust i will get it done.
I think prayers, trust perhaps a few smiles and hugs will be needed.
But i will get there
ding! ding! Seconds out, final round!
I'm on a bit of a roller coaster at the moment, i am happy and driven in moments, and sad and frustrated at others. I find that i am tried often and have mid day doze most days. mainly trough lack of motivation.
I am waiting, waiting for the good news, i have had so much bad news and hard times over the last few years, and i would love some good news. My faith keeps me going and i know the amazing love God has for, in fact typing that line puts a smile on my face.
I think i need to know which way to go, i know where i hope to be, and feel convicted where i'm going, i guess i want to be there.
I have a hard few months ahead, with academic focus needed (stuff i find difficult) but i trust i will get it done.
I think prayers, trust perhaps a few smiles and hugs will be needed.
But i will get there
ding! ding! Seconds out, final round!
Monday, 31 December 2007
On being ready for 2008
I don't update this thongs as often as i would like but i am going to try. I find it cathartic to type my thoughts out, and i welcome comments.
As a type this i am little more than six and half hours away from 2008 (some people are already in 2008) and i have found that the approach of a new year focuses my mind on the future, and on what has passed in the year gone.
2007
I am going to give a brief summery of 2007. The year that we are leavening has easily been the most intensive year of my life. during 2007 i believe i have felt a vast array of emotions, and have gone from despair and anger to joy and jubilation.
I am not going to dwell on the negatives of the year but i don't think high points would have happened without the low points.
I begun the year trying to rebuild my life, the end of 2006 saw my life fall apart completely, and i was left in complete despair. This time last year i feel was the true beginning of rebuilding, as i trusted God, and the strength he has blessed me with, to face my pain head-on and come out the other end a stronger person.
It was difficult with some real hard work and some weak moments but i was faithful to God and he was, as ever, faithful to me.
God has done some amazing work in me and feel stronger in so many ways, the stronger faith i have now is by far the best thing.
God has been teaching me that the only foundation in my life i need is that of God and his Love. He has been asking me to trust in him completely, and in every single area of my life. I had thought this would scare me, but the thought of trusting everything to God, abandoning everything to him and relying on him alone, is exhilarating, i feel excited.
Before i mention 2008, i think a last note on 2007.
I will always remember 2007 for one thing, and that is Nov 28th 2007 was the date my mum was promoted to glory. The lost of my mum is painful (i have tears in my eyes i i type this sentence) it was a shock and i was not prepared for it in anyway. I felt she would be with me for many more years, and had some big things to be part of like my graduation or the birth of her grandchildren (she would have been an awesome grandma, and spoiled then rotten, lol). Despite this pain God has given me peace that she is in a better place, she is in glory, the joys of heaven are before her and she is smiling, dancing and laughing without pain.
2008
I go into 2008 with excitement to see what God has planned, i feel that God has been preparing me for something, i have a strong feeling that 2008 and 2009 are going year of big change for me. There are many things on the horizon to be excited about, some life changing things. I know i will go to place, experience things and meet people that will change my life and all be part of the plan God has for me.
i feel 2008 will be the year that i surrender completely to God and i step out of the boat in a big way!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
As a type this i am little more than six and half hours away from 2008 (some people are already in 2008) and i have found that the approach of a new year focuses my mind on the future, and on what has passed in the year gone.
2007
I am going to give a brief summery of 2007. The year that we are leavening has easily been the most intensive year of my life. during 2007 i believe i have felt a vast array of emotions, and have gone from despair and anger to joy and jubilation.
I am not going to dwell on the negatives of the year but i don't think high points would have happened without the low points.
I begun the year trying to rebuild my life, the end of 2006 saw my life fall apart completely, and i was left in complete despair. This time last year i feel was the true beginning of rebuilding, as i trusted God, and the strength he has blessed me with, to face my pain head-on and come out the other end a stronger person.
It was difficult with some real hard work and some weak moments but i was faithful to God and he was, as ever, faithful to me.
God has done some amazing work in me and feel stronger in so many ways, the stronger faith i have now is by far the best thing.
God has been teaching me that the only foundation in my life i need is that of God and his Love. He has been asking me to trust in him completely, and in every single area of my life. I had thought this would scare me, but the thought of trusting everything to God, abandoning everything to him and relying on him alone, is exhilarating, i feel excited.
Before i mention 2008, i think a last note on 2007.
I will always remember 2007 for one thing, and that is Nov 28th 2007 was the date my mum was promoted to glory. The lost of my mum is painful (i have tears in my eyes i i type this sentence) it was a shock and i was not prepared for it in anyway. I felt she would be with me for many more years, and had some big things to be part of like my graduation or the birth of her grandchildren (she would have been an awesome grandma, and spoiled then rotten, lol). Despite this pain God has given me peace that she is in a better place, she is in glory, the joys of heaven are before her and she is smiling, dancing and laughing without pain.
2008
I go into 2008 with excitement to see what God has planned, i feel that God has been preparing me for something, i have a strong feeling that 2008 and 2009 are going year of big change for me. There are many things on the horizon to be excited about, some life changing things. I know i will go to place, experience things and meet people that will change my life and all be part of the plan God has for me.
i feel 2008 will be the year that i surrender completely to God and i step out of the boat in a big way!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
Thursday, 29 November 2007
On being without my mum...
This blog will be emotional and painful but i feel i need to put something down.
About 4 hours ago i heard the shocking news that my mum has passed away. She was unwell but we were sure that the hospital were dealing with it and she would be home soon.
The cause of death was linked to an infection but i will know more tomorrow.
I am feeling a little numb at the moment and i am still processing everything in my head, but i want to put some of it down, just to know that its out there.
I didn't always get on with my mum but always loved her very very much. We had been getting on so much better over recent years and i had felt closer to my mum recently than i had in years.
i intend to tell more about my mum and what a great lady she was, but i haven't the energy to do it now.
I am in pain and i will miss her so much, but i am comforted by the fact she was a Christian, and is now in glory, living pain free, in heaven.
Your prayers for me and my family are more than welcome.
About 4 hours ago i heard the shocking news that my mum has passed away. She was unwell but we were sure that the hospital were dealing with it and she would be home soon.
The cause of death was linked to an infection but i will know more tomorrow.
I am feeling a little numb at the moment and i am still processing everything in my head, but i want to put some of it down, just to know that its out there.
I didn't always get on with my mum but always loved her very very much. We had been getting on so much better over recent years and i had felt closer to my mum recently than i had in years.
i intend to tell more about my mum and what a great lady she was, but i haven't the energy to do it now.
I am in pain and i will miss her so much, but i am comforted by the fact she was a Christian, and is now in glory, living pain free, in heaven.
Your prayers for me and my family are more than welcome.
Monday, 29 October 2007
On being Bob.....
For those of you that may have visited me here before i am sure you may notice some changes, well maybe not some but complete changes.
I have decided to re launch my blog, but why i hear you all ask? (well i can't actually hear you all, and if i could i should be on Heroes or committed to a place with padded cells).
It had been some time since i had updated and on review a few things came to mind. The impetus for this change came from a special person many miles away (more about that later). I had almost forgot about this blog and had put what I had put on here to the back of my mind but when it was brought to my attention and i re read what i had typed i felt i needed to sort it out.
Maybe some background first. I started this blog as a place to put my thoughts, i intended it to be almost like a diary. This blog became a place where i vented my spleen, a place where i would release some of the angst i was feeling about what was going on in my head. When reading i realised how much i have changed since last posting and felt that this blog needed to reflex this.
Last year was a very difficult year for me and i was not Bob, i was not the me. i seem to lose my optimism, my smile had slipped from my face and i seemed to react to the smallest thing badly. The blogs i posted on here were not me, not the real me.
Throughout it all God was there, i regularly felt Gods hands resting on my shoulders as he held me close, comforted me and guided me back to healing and being me again.
I want this blog to reflect the real me, to reflect the real Bob. I give God all the praise for the amazing healing power and the strength God has given me. I can look back over the year and see the glory of God working in my life. I now feel back to being me, with my optimism, my ever ready smile and a positive view and can do attitude. I also feel stronger and i feel Gods purpose in my life now more than ever.
I am so so so excited for the future!!! (thats for another blog)
I have decided to re launch my blog, but why i hear you all ask? (well i can't actually hear you all, and if i could i should be on Heroes or committed to a place with padded cells).
It had been some time since i had updated and on review a few things came to mind. The impetus for this change came from a special person many miles away (more about that later). I had almost forgot about this blog and had put what I had put on here to the back of my mind but when it was brought to my attention and i re read what i had typed i felt i needed to sort it out.
Maybe some background first. I started this blog as a place to put my thoughts, i intended it to be almost like a diary. This blog became a place where i vented my spleen, a place where i would release some of the angst i was feeling about what was going on in my head. When reading i realised how much i have changed since last posting and felt that this blog needed to reflex this.
Last year was a very difficult year for me and i was not Bob, i was not the me. i seem to lose my optimism, my smile had slipped from my face and i seemed to react to the smallest thing badly. The blogs i posted on here were not me, not the real me.
Throughout it all God was there, i regularly felt Gods hands resting on my shoulders as he held me close, comforted me and guided me back to healing and being me again.
I want this blog to reflect the real me, to reflect the real Bob. I give God all the praise for the amazing healing power and the strength God has given me. I can look back over the year and see the glory of God working in my life. I now feel back to being me, with my optimism, my ever ready smile and a positive view and can do attitude. I also feel stronger and i feel Gods purpose in my life now more than ever.
I am so so so excited for the future!!! (thats for another blog)
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